YEAR 2003 directed by mathieu kassovitz

STARRING halle berry, robert downey jr., charles dutton

Qs: 4.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:30:20.  The spirit cuts Miranda’s arm 35 times (we hear this later from the doctor), leaving her slowly turning the water surrounding her a familiar color.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:40:00.  Something starts soaking through the bandages on Miranda’s arm.  When she pulls them back, she reveals not alone in red where the spirit cut her earlier.  She remembers something and moves a few of the bloody crime scene photos to confirm it.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:08:16.  Miranda watches as her doppelgänger hacks Doug to pieces with an axe.  We can already see a gash in his right thigh and blood on his shirt, but we know there was much more by the hellacious mess left behind on the carpet and the walls.  Passing through not alone doors, she enters the bathroom wherein she sees herself get up out of a tub of blood.  Looking at herself in the mirror, she grotesquely morphs into the various spirits she’s encountered thus far.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:30:09.  We get to watch the killer burn to death, his skin turning a crispy black.  SR: SSSSS

YEAR 1990 directed by ralph s. singleton

STARRING david andrews, kelly wolf, stephen macht

Qs: 8.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:04:29.  A millworker throws a rat into the mix and watches as it turns into a bloody splotch.  Later, mama rat, greatly displeased at this indignity, throws him into the machinery and watches as he become a bigger bloody splotch.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:18:51.  Tucker Cleveland goes to shake John Hall’s hand, a dead rat with its entrails spilling out hanging by its tail from between his fingers.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:45:07.  Things could get worse but when your evening starts with a paralyzing fall down a flight of stairs and ends with the disgusting maw of a gigantic rat, they’re already at their worst.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:57:14.  Think you’ll miss exterminator Cleveland?  You’ll get your chance to see when the ground gives way under him and a giant stone casket crushes his skull, smearing his bloody brains across the wall as the ground continues to sink.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:02:46.  Festivities come to a rude closure when Brogan goes to pick up the high-pressure hose and brings a human arm with it.  The finder tries to bolt up the stairs, but when they collapse under him, they drop him in what looks like a giant pool of bloody water.  The big and slimy lower half of mama rat, gross feet and tail included, slip into the water and pull a Jaws, dragging him screaming and bleeding to the bottom.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:07:59.  Shouldn’t people learn: if you’re in a horror movie, do not put your arms, hands or legs into strange holes because you will not get the limbs back!  Carmichael disobeys this and wantonly puts his left arm in a hole and summarily gets it chewed off, the stump flinging gore as he thrashes in pain.  Cf. The Mummy Returns and Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:16:13.  Warwick gets his first, last and only look at the rat creature he’s been hunting.  It’s vile to look at and probably worse to smell, slime dripping from everywhere: its face, its two-clawed feet, everything.  He rips his blade through its wing and it rips its claws through his side and elsewhere before dragging him away forever.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:21:02.  You knew as well as I did that when mama rat’s fat, thick, gross tail got caught in the works, the rest of it was being drug in and pulverized a la The Mangler.  It’s long and disgusting, bloody as can be and quite satisfying.  SR: SSSSS

YEAR 1990 directed by joe dante

STARRING zach galligan, phoebe cates, john glover

Qs: 3.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:54:36.  Mr. Clamp fights firsthand one of the New Batch and eventually gets control.  He forces it foot-first into his built-in paper shredder until it comes out a gloppy, disgusting pile of green crud, like a mint jelly/relish/Waldorf salad kind of consistency.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:57:00.  What do you think happens when the car Kate was riding in, bearing the twenty or so Gremlins on the bottom, plows into the basement?  The poor suckers beneath were instantly julienned through the grating of the floor into a pool of antifreeze.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:57:50.  Now’s time for a good-natured in-joke.  Leonard Maltin guest stars not in the Maltin Minute, but in the Movie Police with a cute whistle and all.  He starts the segment by holding with only the tips of two fingers, clearly a stretch to do even that, a copy of, can you believe it, Gremlins, the first movie.  He rips it a new one before the Gremlins rip him a few new ones.

N      1:33:15.  Add a sufficient quantity of water and an electrical surge to a lobby stuffed with Gremlins and what do you get?  A large-scale meltdown wherein every one of the green beasties turns into sludge that pours off their bones into a unified puddle of slick, viscous nastiness.  SR: SSSSS

unrated extended director’s cut

YEAR 2004 directed by takashi shimizu

STARRING sarah michelle gellar, jason behr, clea duvall

Qs: 4.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:02:22.  A man known only as Peter slides over the railing of his balcony and falls several stories to the road below.  The mess is realistic with only a moderate amount of blood around his head, no spectacular splat (I can hear you moaning).  SR: SSSSS

N      0:04:43.  Emma, the woman Yoko is taking care of, cut herself on a tape dispenser.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:42:02.  Detectives find the bodies of Jennifer and Matthew in the attic.  Perhaps most distressing is the lower jaw of a human being, tatters of flesh stuck to it, a tiny bit of red underneath.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:00:20.  Alex comes upon a staggering woman with blood smeared all over her clothes and pooling on the floor behind her as she trudges down the stairs.  Calling her Yoko, he had no way to know or to avoid what happened next – she turns around, cracks her neck a few times, lifts up her head and scares the life right out of him.  There before him she stood, no lower jaw and a giant hole in her face out of which her tongue lolled, nothing to support it.  You can see her palette clearly and in fact all the way to the back of her head, absolutely nothing in the way.  SR: SSSSS

YEAR 1967 directed by herschell gordon lewis

STARRING elizabeth davis, gretchen wells, chris martell

Qs: 4.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:07:40.  The scalping starts quickly and with very bad makeup.  The line between the woman’s real skin and the prosthetic is clear, but the idea is another thing.  The damaged Rodney jumps a woman looking for a room to rent and saws off her hair in a sequence going on for at least two minutes that shows the bloody underside of her scalp.  Afterwards, he opens up the bloody mess and lets clumps of brains dribble out before it goes on display.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:44:35.  Vic #2 gets decapitated with an electric knife.  We get some decent shots of the dripping stump of her neck immediately after the cut.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:49:53.  Vic #3 gets slashed across the midsection with a curvy sword resembling those used in magic acts, red running between her fingers.  He carries her over to his operating table and reaches in through the slice in her body and removes a few things, playing with them by letting them slide from one hand held above another and back before probing further in the girl’s abdomen.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:08:55.  Rodney’s would-have-been victim acts faster and snatches a pin from a nearby wig (human scalp) and jams it in his eye, dislocating it, the organ bleeding furiously.  Eventually, if you watch left frame, you can see it fall out as he writhes.  SR: SSSSS

YEAR 2001 directed by ridley scott

STARRING julianne moore, anthony hopkins, ray liotta

Qs: 12.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:02:00.  Here we see Mason Verger’s face for the first time.  He is distinctly horrific, a unique sight of some horrible misfortune.  He has no lips, a very unusual right eye, a signature glossiness of transplanted skin and a rough, bumpy surface of scar tissue.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:09:03.  An agent is hit by a speeding car carrying Evelda as she tries to flee.  Later, Agent Starling shoots a man with an automatic, blood dripping from his mouth.  Soon after, Evelda is shot and goes down.  In the frame you can see also the bloodied driver of the would-be getaway car.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:10:27.  Starling washes off Evelda’s baby with a hose at the fish market.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:20:45.  In a thorough drug-induced state, Mason is coaxed into peeling off his face with a piece of the broken mirror and feeding it to his dogs.  A chunk falls to the floor, Hannibal picking it up and letting one of the dogs scarf it down.  Telling him he can still see his face, Hannibal watches as Mason continues to cut and slice.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:24:00.  Hannibal is dragged like a wild animal off of a woman he just attacked, like a wild animal.  Blood is around his lips, a frenzied look in his eyes.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:36:47.  We see an array of crime scene photos, one of a woman leaned up in the corner of a bathroom, blood on the wall behind her and a few of blood-streaked faces and hands.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:41:51.  JFF: count the number of characters (represented by the asterisks) in Insp. Pazzi’s password…I’m pretty sure it’s hanniballecter.

N      0:43:40.  Two very quick shots of crime scene photos at Clarice’s.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:58:00.  The man Insp. Pazzi hired to follow Lecter accomplishes the mission, but doesn’t live through it.  Lecter doesn’t look at him, doesn’t even break stride as he stabs him in the groin, continuing blissfully on his way.  The wound squirts and spurts, Insp. Pazzi trying his best to help, but ultimately losing the battle.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:15:30.  When Insp. Pazzi catches up to Hannibal he is soon overtaken and tied to a hydraulic device hoisted over the railing around the balcony, at least three stories up.  Hannibal slits his gut open and drops him over the edge.  He’s attached to a rope around his neck that, when it snaps taut, lets spill most of his guts to splatter on the ground, a foot or two left dangling from his abdomen.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:20:13.  One of the men sent to capture Hannibal on behalf of Mason Verger gets his throat slashed by none other than Hannibal himself.  Blood droplets speckle the latter’s face, to be calmly wiped away later, a red pool forming and growing larger under his victim’s head.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:48:45.  The giant hogs break free – and the first thing they head for is not Hannibal as had been tirelessly rehearsed, but the men who brought him there and whose job it was to see he was mauled completely.  The two men, while Hannibal (carrying Clarice) walks quietly away, are eaten alive, the very flesh ripped off of their bones, their life’s blood spilling into the dirt around them.  On a raw bonus note, the characteristically eloquent and persuasive Hannibal talks Conrad into pushing Mason over the edge and into the pit.  It’s a foregone conclusion what happens.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:58:25.  It’s late at night on the Fourth of July and Clarice has been invited to the most macabre meal of all.  Hannibal chloroforms Paul and sets him up at the head of the table.  Clarice, in a drugged stupor, stumbles her way downstairs where she finds settings for her and Paul.  At the meal (quite a special one for the latter), Hannibal removes Krendler’s hat to show a thin red line around his head.  He then produces a scalpel and proceeds to finish cutting the connecting skin on his forehead.  Calmly he removes the top part of Paul’s skull to cut open the thin sac surrounding his brain.  Having done so, he removes a portion thereof, cooks it up in the skillet and feeds it to him.  More or less a vegetable, Paul ignorantly eats it, remarking that it tastes rather good.  As if you couldn’t see it by the drop scale at the end of this paragraph, the rating is at the full five not only because it’s appropriately graphic but also because the very idea of doing such a thing deserves a point of its own.  SR: SSSSS

YEAR 2002 directed by michael kallio

STARRING michael kallio, gunnar hansen, tracee newberry

Qs: 6.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:15:43.  Manifestly refusing his stepfather’s pleas for forgiveness, Eric picks up a toaster and clocks him with it, blood flying across a picture on the wall and on Eric’s shirt.  Not finished, Eric hits him with the appliance again, a demonic smile on his face.  Later, as he’s digging Barry’s grave (Barry isn’t exactly dead right now), he whacks him across the face with the shovel.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:21:44.  Eric has a terrible vision of stabbing Jamie and twisting the blade around, blood pouring all over the floor at their feet and then stepping over her body.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:25:21.  We see a quick shot of Eric fantasizing about slitting Jamie’s throat.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:56:51.  Eric’s head bleeds from a shot with a baseball bat swung by Derek, the ex-boyfriend of the girl he was looking at in the bar.  After smashing his lookout pal in the head with the same bat, he beats Derek in the face several times, intending to slit his throat, but stopping just short.  Authorities later find her with a substantial pool of blood around her and a good bit running down the brick wall alongside her body, an atrocious wound across her neck.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:04:09.  After promising to free her, Eric slits Sarah’s throat deeply.  When investigators later find the red-soaked crime scene, we see “I’m sorry” and “I will save them” written in her blood on the linoleum around the chair he tied her to.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:07:20.  Just as the officer in car 16 receives a call that the suspect (Eric) was spotted in the area, he gets his throat slit clean through, arterial spray coating the windshield.  When Glenn tries to contact him, we see only a shot of drops of blood running down the radio mike.  At 1:10:24 his bloodied body falls on Jamie when she tries to open the door it was propped up against to escape Eric.  As red continues to run from the man’s neck, he starts choking on it while trying his feeblest to stop Eric from eventually killing Jamie.  In the subsequent fight for her life, Jamie stabs Eric in the leg and then runs for the rest of the knives from the block in the kitchen.  He catches up to her there, but she knocks him down and throws a pan of fried vegetables (that are still frying) directly in his face.  The extremely severe burns over the better part of his face are horrifying, blood flowing from the broken skin.  The officer who fell out on Jamie finally dies, blood smeared on the floor before him.  SR: SSSSS

N      JFF: the man on the TV in Jamie’s house is B-movie legend Bruce Campbell, the film’s producer.

YEAR 1999 directed by jan de bont

STARRING liam neeson, catherine zeta-jones, lily taylor

Qs: 5.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:30:50.  One of the harpsichord strings snaps and cuts Mary down the side of her face.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:50:40.  Luke finds welcome home Eleanor written in what I believe we’re supposed to think is blood on the wall at the top of the staircase.  Later, Theo’s boots that leave bloody footprints but not those made by boot soles, but by unshod feet.  Later than that, Nell finds a long trail of small red tracks leading away from her room.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:24:28.  The reclining figure in the fountain reaches out at Dr. Marrow and pulls him under the water.  While he fights for air, the mouth of the figure spurts an arc of blood into the water from which Dr. Marrow soon frees himself.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:35:00.  Nell pulls a piece of glass from Dr. Marrow’s hand.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:35:35.  The rug picks up like a flying carpet and hurls Luke into the fireplace.  There, the lion’s head swings down and knocks his head off, dropping it from its jaws on the return pass.  SR: SSSSS

YEAR 2004 directed by guillermo del toro

STARRING ron perlman, selma blair, john hurt

Qs: 5.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS

N      0:10:30.  Prof. Broom tends to a leg wound.  SR: SSSSS

N      0:16:25.  Life lesson: never trust evil.  A man who led them to a sacred site gets a javelin-type deal through the chest just the first second his back is turned.  His blood pours out Underworld style and fills in the lines of a labyrinth until it reaches the center where it fills a small circular pool.  As soon as the space is occupied by blood, Grigori rises from it, thickly covered all over.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:07:55.  The second creature Hellboy fights in a tunnel is held by his tongue but seems intent on trying to scamper away.  When the train arrives, it rips the beast from his licker and grinds him into paste between it and the bricks.  SR: SSSSS

N      1:16:30.  Prof. Broom looks over Karl’s body, remarking that both eyelids were surgically removed, as were the upper and lower lips.  At 1:22:02, the thing walks and “lives” again.  SR: SSSSS

N      2:00:51.  The giant purple people-eater/Chthulu looking thing explodes in a gooey blast of grape jelly and twitching tentacles.  SR: SSSSS

N worst movie #10 N

YEAR 2003 committed by hiroki yamaguchi

INFESTED WITH RUKINO FUJISAKI, YOSHIICHI KAWADA, RYOSUKE KOSHIBA

Qs: 7.  AR: SSSSSSSSSS